tenebrae

I feel the darkness creep in,

It’s shadow, a glimpse,

It’s struggle to dominate.

A shapeless vision,

it appears to have teeth,

flashing either in chagrin or delight.

Hopeless,

Can’t fight this gloom.

To struggle or succumb,

my last thought, 

as I feel a glow within me.

Snug , warm

Calvary or solace,

It is drawing me in and 

I can’t defy it’s pull.

 

 

 

 

What Changed?

Have you ever reached a point where you just want to stop trying and give it all up because you are tired of pretending to be okay? Have you ever thought of saying ‘I am done’? It gets so hard waking up every day, going to a work you hate and smiling at people when you’d rather stay in and sleep all day just because you simply stopped caring

Have you ever being in a state of total confusion where nothing makes sense to you? Have you ever fallen so hard you start to think there is no salvation? Have you ever felt so low you can’t seem to get up and even though you try, getting up seems so hard? Have you ever being in that complete state of no return? Have you ever thought of ending it all?

The pain gets so overwhelming, you feel your heart constricting so bad and blood clamoring for space to ease their flow , you tried to scream but your mouth is so heavy, you hold on to your chest fervently saying your prayers hoping you don’t die.

Why do you try holding on? Haven’t you given up on life already, You have been screaming “let me die, I can’t live” What changed?

Trapped

Once again, I am trapped

Like a bug in the spider’s web

Not trying to avoid the rocky road

It’s a dead end anyway

I can feel its triumph, a predator doing

the victory dance

My nerves are at attention, ready to snap any moment

You won’t see this tears, no

I have been here before, like home with its familiar scent

How I have lived all these years

This time again I embrace it, and as always

It’s a safe place, shadows all around smiling or

So I thought

I am no longer afraid

With a smile and a sigh, I give myself up

Do as you please