I love you…. But i will hurt you!

I am only human, expect the unexpected.. Yes that’s my lame excuse for every wrong thing i have done. No you piece of shit (excuse my language) You are human and you can be good. Fix up please

Growing up, I had a best friend. Her name is Grace, she loved fighting with me and she would go on for days just keeping her cool while waiting for me to crack and talk to her first, I used to be the peacemaker because I didn’t like fighting with her and like I said, she was my best friend. This went on for so long till I stopped bulging, I realized I stopped caring if she talked to me, I reached my elastic limit (Hooke’s Law) and I snapped. Looking back now, she was a major reason why I stopped having a close friend I can’t do without. She taught me to be independent and also because she knew how much I loved her, she took that for granted.

These days I have good friends, I don’t particularly have a best friend, I have done some things which I would have loved to share with that one friend but I don’t have anyone I call that. Does that suck? Maybe. I can’t say I want that because I know I hurt easily and my saving grace is the ability to snap and never look back. I give second chances because we all make mistakes but there is only so much I can take. I have tried my best to stop getting close with anyone which affected me for a while, I had my first serious relationship after Uni. He is a great guy who showed me that companionship is so important in our everyday lives but I am still skeptical till date, I still have this fear that he might just decide to leave one day.

I guess people will call that trust issues but I like to call it ‘being on guard’. I don’t like admitting that I love to prepare for the worst, I believe just because someone made you feel good about yourself today doesn’t change the fact that they might do you bad tomorrow because ‘they are only human’ what an excuse! Yea I have heard that several times, I gave up on humanity already.

Be different, start something and see it to the finish line, don’t make it a cliché

How typical! That word goes a long way, like of course it’s expected you do something like that because that’s just how it is. It shouldn’t be like that, Men are scum! You are a man but you don’t have to live up to that expectation. Women are good liars and cheat! You are a woman but you can as well be trustworthy and honest. There are many things wrong in the world, this generation especially. Love has become useless, you tell me you love me today and you do something that hurts me tomorrow. People have another name for that too, they say hurting is part of loving and It’s not easy to do one without the other. They always have something for everything.

If you love me, you won’t hurt me. No I don’t want to hear otherwise.

I have my own ideologies, I like it when people actually surprise me, I always look out for the good in people but I have been disappointed too many times, I have reached my limit such that when people do things as expected of them, however, it might hurt a bit but I understand that’s just how it is, I mean I wasn’t expecting you’d be any different.

I wish not just one but many people would actually show me things could be different, show me I can trust you with the most vital information, show me I don’t have to put my guard up every time, show me you aren’t like the rest, show me I can call you my best friend but it’s really fine if you can’t be any different. A girl can only hope

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4 thoughts on “I love you…. But i will hurt you!

  1. I feel like you’ve basically written my life story here. I’ve learnt that you just have to continue to see a little good in people just for your peace of mind. There’s always going to be someone out there to hurt you or make you want to rethink having anyone close enough to know you well but in the end we’re all human and even without realising it, we’re hurting other people too so yeah , if nobody sees the good in you then it’s their loss not yours. A girl’s best friend can always be herself or her journal , good friends will always come find you when you least expect it. I hope I made a bit of sense .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Feeling a lot of this these days as well. My friendships are solid and I’m very blessed to have them, but it’s the loves and the family area that has been not such a safe zone, which is hard. Hence, my quest to make peace with that and be happy rolling on my own. You’re fortunate to have the ability to snap and move on. I don’t have that yet, unless I’m intentionally hurt very badly by someone. I’m sure I’ll eventually develop that skill. 🙂 Keep seeing the best in people. There are loyal, loving and amazing people out there. Thank you for your post. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww thank you for this comment. Family ties is something we always try our best to secure, i understand how hard this might be for you but no worries, its good that you try to make peace which is the ultimate. I hope you get enough love and not hurt so you don’t have any reason to develop that skill lol.. I will try my best to keep seeing the best in people.. Thank you so much for reading ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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