Unanswered Questions

It started out good, all smiles and cheerfulness, she dashed out of bed ready to conquer the day with the overtime mantra ‘yes I can’

On her way she greeted strangers, inhaled fresh air and talked about past events with the regular girl she walks with, she saw a mistake she recently made, she is too emotional. Any other girl wouldn’t call that a mistake but well her morals get the best out of her. Now trying to move forward because what’s done is done, she decided to block it out of her head only for her to be reminded she isn’t as useful as she thought, I mean life came at her so fast when she wasn’t even looking, she thought she was doing something important and they reminded her of how worthless she is. The real question is, is she worthless?

Growing up, we all had this streamlined belief of passing one stage, moving to the next and it goes on and on, we all believe as long as we are smart and hardworking, everything should be great because that’s just how it works, remember when your teachers told you if you studied well enough, you’d pass your exams in flying colors. That worked pretty well because they were right of course but no one prepared you for what you are facing right now, there are no set manual or instructions, there is no book explaining in details about what you have to do or how to do it. You just sit for the exams every time without prior studying hoping to God you pass because you don’t see failing as an option.

The sad truth is I don’t understand what I am writing or maybe I do but I can’t really put it into words because there are so much and it hurts my heart to actually pen this down. She is in so much pain and I can’t do anything to help her. You see we all fail overtime because failure is just part of the process and they say it’s okay to fail, it only means you have learned something new but when you keep failing and failing, where do you get the strength to keep going? We sometimes read motivational books and listen to clips about staying strong through the pain and disappointment, never stop pushing and like the writing on this wall close by, it says ‘There are 1001 reasons to fail but 1 reason to succeed’ that’s a really great piece you know, you read that and you strengthen your resolve, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel, there is HOPE like my favorite word ‘BELIEVE’

How well did you do as an undergraduate? How well are you doing now as a graduate? Are you happy? Is this where you want to be? Have you ever thought you’d be here? How did you even get here?  Let me not drag you further down her hole, she is so unhappy right now and forgive her if she makes you unhappy. Please try not to answer those questions if it will cost you few minutes of joy, she shouldn’t have gone there either but oh well, her emotions keep running wild and I fear it won’t stop anytime soon. She got a mail yesterday and it only reminded her of another failure but being the happy person she sometimes convince herself she is, she chooses to ignore the mail. Now she can’t seem to get it out of her head. Presently I am at a loss and it’s pretty sad when I think about it and can’t help her out of her misery, I want her to move on so bad but I also want her to stay because where does she go from here? The fear of the unknown, that inadequate feeling, the constant self-doubt, the voice that keeps saying ‘stop fighting so hard, give up already’.

Are you meant to conquer territories, are you made for greatness, do you believe you can push boundaries, what exactly are you here for? Do you have a purpose? What do you aim to achieve? Like I said, do not answer these questions if you aren’t ready yet. Let’s stop here today, she is very quiet right now and I really think that’s enough for one day.


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